Throughout my high school years secular philosophies dominant in the media and culture atrophied my unexercised faith. I felt my complacency turn into a void and became tainted by the absurd. Acquiring a business and material things only multiplied my yearnings. I had propped up the inner walls of my heart with created things and now, under the weight of a momentous realization, I felt myself collapsing. I realized that all my life I had been avoiding the most important issue a person could ever face: himself. Who am I? What's my purpose? What is truth? Pilate's skepticism taunted my thoughts. I feared that under the covers of my nominal faith would be only blank pages, no answers, just archaic myths. But now an impatience overshadowed my fear, and I searched.
Releasing myself from worldly ambition opened my eyes to a living beating world. I became aware of what seemed obvious, yet so foreign; the inevitability of faith. That every desirable thing I could think of, beauty, justice, love, was a religious notion perceivable by faith alone. There is no knife to cut, container to measure, or x-ray to see these things. That the universe is not hauntingly neutral, but that there is meaning, struck me to the ground with awe. Such simple thoughts which I had pondered before now penetrated me to new depths and spawned oceans of understanding inside me. And as I laid there on the ground, with the world of transactions and appointments bustling by, I found a divine romance.
Because I wanted to love, I wanted to know. Love without a desire to know is not love at all, but infatuation. I suppose grace is what makes you realize you’re fooling yourself. And by now the precedent had been set, I was seeking truth.
3 comments:
I remember the first time I read the verse of Pilate asking "What is truth?" I identified with him. It's a seemingly simple question, but lies in the heart of every person.
I enjoyed this post--very thoughtful.
Someone once said about truth and the importance of prayer, "In order to see, you have to close your eyes."
That's a phrase I've been thinking about a lot lately.
I really wanted to comment at class: especially the opening sentences, the writing is very reminiscent of Lewis or Chesterton.
You can usually tell which writers people spend their time with, because it comes out in their own literary voice. I really enjoyed the flavor of the philosopher and scholar in your credo.
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